Monthly Archives: May 2013

Queries, College and Preschool…Yep…That Sounds About Right.

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It isn’t the writing that scares a writer…okay…I totally just lied. But it really isn’t the scariest part. We THINK it is until we have to write a synopsis or query. It’s kinda like going to college for the first time, being scared out of your mind…then graduating, going out into the real world and running back to campus screaming like a child on the first day of preschool- “I wanna stay home with you!!”

Crushing a 200+ page novel into… “omg are you kidding??”… “nope.” one paragraph is horrifying at best. Ooh! And then there is the always formidable “story line pitch” that needs to be twenty five words or less…yeah…novel is not lookin’ so scary anymore.

Writer’s Market comes to save us. Check out this helpful and NOT terrifying article.

http://blog.writersmarket.com/whats-new/use-5-ws-and-h-to-write-queries-that-work?et_mid=619336&rid=233678065

 

 

Don’t Fall For It! Listen to the Animals!

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Hello there my fine feathered friends. I realize I just assumed all of my readers are birds but really, this is just a figure of speech. Sometimes people don’t mean exactly what they say…a prelude into today’s very crucial topic!

I was discussing writing with a friend today. She brought up submitting your work to agents and publishers and asked “Does it cost anything to do that?”

Right off the bat the answer is “OMG are you kidding me no!”…well…that’s what I felt like saying anyway because I know the industry. But many new writers do not. Anyone going into any new field is a possible scam target. Writing is no different. It is the same as an actor looking for representation. The agent will take them on because he believes he can sell them at which point he will take a percentage. Literary agents work the same way. They will only represent you if they believe they can sell your work. They DO NOT charge you up front for services.

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It has been a while since I thought about this as I learned it early on, but today’s little chat made me realize that I should probably pass it on to my bird friends…out there in the literary jungle about to be devoured by ravenous scammer tigers. They do too exist! Go check your neighborhood jungle!

A legitimate agency will never ask for money up front. Do your homework before submitting. You have given your sanity to create your story. Don’t turn it over to some fiendish wolf simply because they “LOVE your work and must sign you now.”

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Study, read, write and keep trying. Eventually a reputable publisher will want your work. In the mean time stay clear of leering wolves asking for money (wolves don’t need cash- he’s an obvious impostor) and wear ravenous tiger repellent at all times.

Girl Boy Girl Boy

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It happens with cats and dogs. When a small child relates a story about a cat or a dog the kitty is always a girl and the doggy is always a boy- am I right? (I am right… rhetorical question. I don’t really want your input). 

How about inanimate objects? Cars and boats…female– “Isn’t she a beauty?” and “THAR SHE BLOWS!” (she…it is always a she  that is blowin’ thar ask any pirate).
Pirates_by_delowar

 

 

I’ll get to the point. Sexism interlaces its twiney fingers into everything we do, see and experience, doesn’t it?

It’s either a girl or a boy. Author Maureen Johnson has written a fabulously entertaining piece on this very thing. Lets float on over and check it out, shall we?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/maureen-johnson/gender-coverup_b_3231484.html

Revisiting…Rodeo Drive…?

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“Her nerves were worsening by the moment. She was already dreading the tortuous questions she would face at the wedding- the major downfall to being a guest and not the bride. Those same stupid questions. “Why aren’t you married yet?” and, of course, “How come you don’t have a boyfriend?” Katie felt certain these questions were meant to be malicious. After all, what would they expect her to say? My genital warts keep flaring up and I just can’t keep from scratching- until the swelling goes down, I’ve had to give up dating.”

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Nothing more grand than being forced to wear gold silk that doesn’t fit you and heels that will surely kill you when you already have the above to worry about!

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If you haven’t checked out “MISS IMPRACTICAL PANTS” yet, you should. It waits on “Book Rodeo Drive” itching to make you laugh!…no genital wart pun intended…

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_sabc?url=search-alias%3Daps&pageMinusResults=1&suo=1367894199239#/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_0_11?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=miss%20impractical%20pants&sprefix=miss+imprac%2Caps%2C330&rh=i%3Aaps%2Ck%3Amiss%20impractical%20pants